Grief in children rarely looks like grief in adults. A child may cry one minute and ask to play the next, ask the same question many times, or seem unaffected for weeks before the loss catches up with them. Most of this is a normal part of grieving, and the steady presence of familiar adults is the main source of help. Professional support is worth seeking when certain signs last a long time or stop a child from functioning at home, at school or with friends [1][2].
When to get help immediately: if a child or teenager talks about wanting to die, says repeatedly that they want to be with the person who has died, or harms themselves, seek urgent help [1][2]. In the UAE call 998 for an ambulance or 999 for the police [5].
This article covers how children understand death at different ages, what ordinary grief can look like, how to talk about a death, which signs suggest a child needs more support, and what is known about prolonged grief in young people.
How children understand death at different ages
A child’s understanding of death develops gradually. Preschool children often see death as temporary or reversible, which is why they may ask when the person is coming back [1]. Children between about 5 and 9 begin to think about death more like adults do, but may still believe it will not happen to them or to people they know [1].
Paediatricians describe four ideas that help children make sense of a death [2]:
- death is permanent, and the person will not come back
- the body has stopped working, so the person no longer feels pain, hunger or fear
- death happens to all living things eventually
- death has a cause, and it is never caused by a child’s thoughts, wishes or behaviour
On average, children grasp these ideas by around 5 to 7 years of age, although experience and explanation make a large difference [2].
Teenagers understand death fully, but they may grieve privately, withdraw from the family, or take risks as a way of coping [2]. They may also turn to friends rather than parents.
What ordinary grief can look like
Children’s grief tends to come in waves. Sadness can return on and off for a long time, and it often resurfaces around birthdays, religious occasions, school events and the anniversary of the death [1]. Other common reactions include:
- Anger. Anger at the person who died, at family members or at the situation is a natural part of grief [1].
- Acting younger for a while. For example, wanting to sleep near a parent or needing more help with routines [1].
- Guilt. Young children may believe that something they thought or did caused the death [1].
- Repeated questions. Asking the same thing again and again is often how children process information.
- Grief in play. Acting out funerals, hospitals or the death in games can be one way of working through what happened.
These reactions on their own are not signs of a problem. What matters more is how long they last, how intense they are, and whether the child can still enjoy things, learn and spend time with others.
How to talk to a child about a death
Children cope better with clear, honest information than with silence or vague explanations. Use the words “died” and “dead”. Phrases such as “gone to sleep”, “lost” or “went away” can confuse young children and may make them afraid of sleeping or of people leaving [2].
Paediatric guidance also suggests avoiding well-meant phrases that can make a child feel their feelings are wrong, such as “you’ll feel better soon”, “at least…”, “you need to be strong” or “I know exactly how you feel” [2]. Simple, open statements tend to work better: “I miss her too”, “It’s OK to feel angry”, or “You can ask me anything.”
Families can share their own religious and cultural beliefs about death alongside these facts. It is also fine to say “I don’t know” when you do not have an answer.
Funerals and rituals
Children should not be forced to attend a funeral, but many benefit from being invited and prepared for what they will see and hear [1][2]. Having a familiar adult who is less directly affected by the loss stay with the child can help, so that the child can leave if they need to [2].
Other ways of remembering can matter just as much: prayer, lighting a candle, making a scrapbook, or looking at photographs together [1].
Signs a grieving child may need more support
Child psychiatrists and paediatricians list several signs that suggest a child is struggling beyond the usual course of grief [1][2]:
- a long period of low mood in which the child loses interest in daily activities
- ongoing difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or a prolonged fear of being alone
- acting much younger than their age for an extended period
- copying the person who died to an excessive degree
- believing for a long time that they are seeing or talking to the person who died
- repeated statements about wanting to join the person who died
- withdrawing from friends
- a sharp drop in school performance, or refusing to go to school
- in teenagers, alcohol or drug use, fights, or risky behaviour
- persistent anxiety or depression, self-harm, or any talk of suicide, which needs emergency help
If the death was sudden, violent or frightening, a child may also show signs of trauma, such as nightmares, flashbacks or strong reactions to reminders. Our guide to PTSD and trauma in children explains how these differ from grief. Sleep often suffers after a loss; our article on children’s sleep problems has practical advice.
Prolonged grief disorder in children and teenagers
For a small number of young people, grief stays intense and disabling long after a loss. Prolonged grief disorder is now a recognised diagnosis. For children and adolescents, it is considered only when at least six months have passed since the death (12 months for adults), and when the young person has experienced at least three specific symptoms nearly every day for at least the last month [3]. These include intense longing for the person, preoccupation with them, a sense that part of oneself has died, disbelief, avoiding reminders, emotional numbness, and great difficulty re-engaging with life. The reaction must also go beyond what would be expected in the family’s culture and religion [3].
In children, the preoccupation may focus on the circumstances of the death rather than the person themselves [3].
A US study followed children and adolescents aged 8 to 17 whose parent had died suddenly. About 10 per cent showed high and persistent prolonged grief reactions nearly three years later, and this group had a higher rate of depression and worsening day-to-day functioning [4]. Because the study included only sudden deaths and a US sample, the figure may not apply to every family, but it shows that most bereaved children do not develop prolonged grief, and that those who do should be identified and supported.
How grief is supported and treated
Most grieving children do not need treatment. They need time, routine, honest information and adults who are willing to talk and to listen. Schools can help by keeping teachers informed, allowing quiet time when needed, and giving notice before lessons that may touch on loss.
When grief becomes prolonged or complicated, talking therapy can help. Cognitive behavioural approaches have been shown to reduce prolonged grief symptoms, including in young people [3]. There are no medicines that treat grief itself, although a clinician may treat depression or anxiety that develops alongside it [3]. Bereavement groups and camps, where children meet others who have had a similar loss, can also reduce isolation [2].
Looking after yourself
If you are grieving the same loss, it is hard to support a child while managing your own pain. Children take cues from adults, and seeing a parent grieve openly but cope can be reassuring. Asking relatives, friends or a professional for support is part of looking after your child. If a family member is seriously ill and a death is expected, our article on supporting a child when a parent is seriously ill may help you prepare.
How BMMC can help
Beautiful Mind Medical Center’s children’s services offer assessment by child and adolescent mental health clinicians and therapy including CBT. An assessment can help to tell whether a child’s reactions fit the expected course of grief, or whether depression, anxiety, trauma or prolonged grief needs specific attention. Parent-only sessions are available if you would like guidance before involving your child, and assessments can be carried out in Arabic or English.
To arrange an appointment, call +971 2 621 2230, email info@bmmc.ae, or use the booking form.
Author: BMMC Editorial Team
Medical reviewer assigned: Dr. Abdulnaser Arida, Consultant Psychiatrist and Director
Medical review status: Pending
Draft date: 14 November 2026
Last updated: Pending publication
Beautiful Mind Medical Center, Sultan Bin Zayed The First St, Al Muntazah – Zone 1, Abu Dhabi. MOHAP Licence XYRKN7C2-230725.
This article is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for an individual assessment, diagnosis, or treatment plan from a qualified healthcare professional. If you are concerned about a child’s or adolescent’s safety, seek urgent professional help.
References
- American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. Grief and Children. Facts for Families No. 8. Updated September 2023. aacap.org
- Schonfeld DJ, Nasir A. How Children Understand Death: What to Say When a Loved One Dies. HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics. Last updated 26 June 2024. healthychildren.org
- American Psychiatric Association. Prolonged Grief Disorder. Patient and family information, physician review August 2025. psychiatry.org
- Melhem NM, et al. Identifying prolonged grief reactions in children: dimensional and diagnostic approaches. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. 2013;52(6):599–607.e7. doi:10.1016/j.jaac.2013.02.015. PubMed Central
- The UAE Government portal. Handling emergencies. u.ae
