Separation Anxiety in Young Children: Nursery and School Drop-Off

Crying, clinging, or protesting at nursery or school drop-off is one of the most common experiences of early childhood — and in most children, it is a normal, expected part of development rather than a sign that something is wrong. This guide explains what’s typical at different ages, practical ways to ease the goodbye, and the specific signs that suggest it’s time to ask a professional for an opinion.

Key Takeaways

• Separation anxiety is a normal developmental stage, most intense roughly between 6 months and 3 years, that commonly resurfaces briefly when a child starts nursery or school for the first time [4][5][6].
• Brief distress at drop-off — even daily, for the first weeks of a new setting — does not, on its own, mean a child has an anxiety disorder.
• Separation Anxiety Disorder is a specific clinical diagnosis requiring particular symptoms, a minimum four-week duration in children, and real interference with daily life [4].
• Consistent, brief goodbye routines — rather than sneaking away — are the approach most consistently recommended by paediatric guidance [1][5].
• A qualified mental-health professional can help when distress is persistent, intense, or disrupting a child’s or family’s daily functioning.

A brief note on urgency: Separation anxiety and even Separation Anxiety Disorder are very rarely medical emergencies. However, if a child expresses thoughts of self-harm or not wanting to exist, shows a sudden and complete inability to function (cannot eat, sleep, or leave the house at all), or you are worried about their immediate safety, contact emergency services on 999 or go to the nearest emergency department [9]. For urgent but non-life-threatening mental health support in Abu Dhabi, the Department of Health’s 800-SAKINA helpline (800-725462) operates 24/7 in Arabic and English, including support for children and families [8].

What Drop-Off Distress Actually Looks Like

Most parents recognise the pattern: tears, clinging to a leg, reaching out as you walk away, or a plea of “don’t go.” Some children protest loudly for a minute or two and then settle quickly once the parent is out of sight; others take longer to calm down. Common signs at this age include shadowing a parent around the house, difficulty settling at bedtime, reluctance to be left with anyone unfamiliar, and, less often, physical complaints like a stomach-ache right before drop-off [1][4].

On their own, these behaviours are consistent with typical development. What matters for deciding whether to be concerned is less the presence of the behaviour and more its age-appropriateness, intensity, duration, and effect on daily life — covered in the next two sections.

Age-Banded Developmental Norms: What’s Typical, and When

Under 6 months. Separation anxiety is uncommon at this stage. Most babies, as long as their basic needs are met, adjust reasonably easily to being cared for by someone other than their main caregiver [6].

6–18 months. This is the developmental window in which separation anxiety typically emerges and peaks. As babies develop object permanence — understanding that people and things continue to exist even when out of sight — many become distressed when a caregiver leaves, because they don’t yet grasp that the caregiver will return [4][6]. Crying, clinging, and resisting being handed to someone else are all expected at this stage, and are often more pronounced when a baby is tired, hungry, or unwell [5].

18 months–3 years. Separation anxiety commonly continues through toddlerhood, sometimes even intensifying as children develop more independence and become more aware of separations [5]. This is also frequently the stage at which children start nursery for the first time, so it is common — and developmentally expected — for a toddler to protest loudly at early drop-offs even if they were previously fairly settled with familiar caregivers.

3–5 years (preschool/KG). By around age 3, most children understand, on some level, that a parent leaving is not permanent, and that their protest affects the parent’s response — but this doesn’t mean the distress disappears entirely, particularly in a new setting [5]. Many preschoolers still have a brief tearful moment at drop-off that resolves within a few minutes once the parent is out of sight, especially during the first weeks at a new nursery.

5–7 years (early primary school). A short-lived reappearance of separation anxiety when a child starts primary school for the first time — or moves to a new school — is considered a normal response, not a sign of a disorder [4]. Clinical guidance notes that reluctance to go to school is, in fact, particularly common in the 5–7 and 11–14 age ranges, often triggered by a period of extra closeness with a parent (such as a school holiday) or a stressful life event [1].

The common thread across all these ages: brief, settling-in-period distress that eases within the first weeks of a new routine is expected. What deserves closer attention is distress that is unusually intense for the child’s age, that doesn’t ease as the settling-in period progresses, or that starts interfering with sleep, eating, school attendance, or family life.

When It May Be More Than a Phase: Separation Anxiety Disorder

Separation anxiety becomes a clinical concern — potentially meeting criteria for Separation Anxiety Disorder — when it is disproportionate to the child’s age or setting, and when it causes real distress or dysfunction. According to DSM-5-TR criteria summarised in a 2026 peer-reviewed clinical reference, a diagnosis requires at least three of the following, causing significant distress or impairment, for at least four weeks in children and adolescents [4]:

• Recurrent excessive distress when separation from home or an attachment figure occurs or is anticipated
• Persistent worry about losing an attachment figure, or that harm (illness, injury, disaster) will come to them
• Persistent worry about an event (e.g., getting lost, being kidnapped, an accident) that would lead to separation from an attachment figure
• Reluctance or refusal to go to nursery/school, or elsewhere, because of fear of separation
• Fear of being alone or without an attachment figure at home or elsewhere
• Reluctance or refusal to sleep away from an attachment figure, or to sleep without being near home
• Repeated nightmares involving the theme of separation
• Repeated physical complaints (headaches, stomach-aches, nausea) when separation occurs or is anticipated

Critically, the symptoms must also cause clinically significant impairment in a major area of the child’s life — such as consistently missing nursery/school, or a family’s daily functioning being significantly disrupted — and not be better explained by something else [4]. A child who cries for two minutes at drop-off but then plays happily all day does not meet this bar; a child who cannot attend nursery/school at all for weeks, who is not sleeping due to separation fears, or whose distress is escalating rather than easing, may.

For context: separation anxiety is described as the most commonly diagnosed anxiety disorder of childhood in international clinical literature, with population-based studies estimating prevalence around 4%, and figures up to roughly 5–7% in some clinical and adolescent samples, with the highest rates reported among 6–9 year-olds [4]. These figures come from international (largely US and European) research; no UAE-specific prevalence data were identified for this article, so they should be read as general context rather than a direct estimate for children in Abu Dhabi.

If you’re unsure which category your child’s experience falls into, that uncertainty is itself a reasonable reason to ask a professional for an opinion — you do not need to be certain before seeking guidance.

Why Relocation and New Environments Can Add a Layer of Adjustment

For families who have recently relocated to Abu Dhabi, starting nursery or KG often coincides with several other changes at once — a new home, an unfamiliar routine, sometimes a new language environment, and a smaller circle of familiar faces. It is reasonable to expect that a young child navigating several changes simultaneously may take a little longer to settle than one starting nursery from an otherwise stable, familiar routine. This is a matter of common-sense parenting context rather than a distinct clinical finding, and it does not, by itself, indicate anything beyond typical adjustment.

Abu Dhabi’s private nurseries are regulated by the Abu Dhabi Department of Education and Knowledge (ADEK), which oversees more than 200 private nurseries in the emirate catering to children aged 0–4 [7]. LOCAL INFORMATION REQUIRES EDITORIAL VERIFICATION: individual nurseries set and publish their own settling-in procedures, and these can vary; ask your child’s specific nursery directly for their written settling-in policy rather than assuming a single emirate-wide standard.

Practical Drop-Off Strategies

These approaches are drawn from paediatric guidance on easing separation anxiety, and none of them guarantee a tear-free drop-off — the goal is a gradual easing over the settling-in period, not an instant fix.

• Keep the goodbye short and consistent. A brief, predictable ritual — a hug, a specific phrase, a wave — tends to work better than a long, drawn-out goodbye, which can prolong distress rather than ease it [5].
• Don’t sneak out. Leaving without saying goodbye can undermine a child’s trust that you’ll do what you say, which may increase anxiety over time. A calm, brief goodbye is generally preferred over disappearing [5].
• Practise short separations in advance. Where possible, build up to full-time nursery/school with shorter visits or practice separations with a trusted caregiver beforehand [5].
• Be consistent, and follow through. Avoid returning to the room because a child pleads, and avoid changing plans based on the protest itself — consistency and predictability help a child learn that separations are safe and temporary [5].
• Watch your own timing and state. Rushed, high-stress mornings tend to make drop-offs harder; children often pick up on a caregiver’s own anxiety about the separation.
• Acknowledge the feeling, briefly. A short, calm acknowledgment (“I know it’s hard to say bye, I’ll be back after snack time”) validates the child’s experience without dwelling on it.
• Give it real time. A settling-in period of several weeks, not several days, is a reasonable expectation for many children in a genuinely new setting.

Coordinating with Nursery or School Staff

Parents don’t have to manage this alone — nursery and school staff see this transition regularly and can be valuable partners.

• Use the settling-in visits. Most nurseries offer short, gradual visits before a child’s official start date; these give a child low-stakes exposure to the new environment and key staff.
• Identify the key person. Ask who your child’s main point of contact will be during the day, and share specifics that help that person reassure your child (a favourite comfort item, a phrase that calms them, a sibling’s name).
• Agree on a consistent handover routine with staff, so your child experiences the same predictable pattern from both sides.
• Ask for updates, especially in the first few weeks — knowing how your child settles after you leave can be reassuring, and can also help you and staff notice together if distress isn’t easing over time.
• Flag any recent changes at home (a new sibling, a house move, a change in routine) that might be adding to your child’s adjustment, so staff have context.

What an Assessment Involves

If drop-off distress is intense, persistent well beyond the initial settling-in period, or clearly interfering with sleep, eating, attendance, or family life, it’s reasonable to seek a professional opinion. A qualified mental-health professional at BMMC can carry out an assessment — grounded in BMMC’s confirmed children’s services, which include psychological therapies (CBT, behavioural therapy, play-based interventions), developmental and behavioural support, parent support and training, and support for anxiety disorders. Assessments are typically completed within one to three child-friendly sessions and are available in Arabic and English. The purpose of an assessment is to understand what’s driving the behaviour — whether it’s within the range of normal development, a settling-in adjustment that needs more time and strategy, or something that would benefit from more structured support such as CBT, play-based intervention, or parent coaching.

Evidence from a large 2020 Cochrane systematic review supports cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) as more effective than a waiting-list or no-treatment approach for reducing anxiety in children and young people, with benefits that can continue at six-month follow-up in the studies that measured this [3]. The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s 2020 clinical practice guideline similarly identifies CBT as an evidence-based approach for children with anxiety disorders [2]. This does not mean every child with drop-off distress needs formal treatment — most do not — but it does mean that effective, evidence-based options exist for children whose anxiety does cross into clinically significant territory.

When to Arrange a Non-Urgent Appointment

Consider arranging a non-urgent professional consultation if:

• Distress at drop-off is not easing after several weeks of a consistent routine and settling-in support
• Your child is refusing nursery/school outright, or missing significant amounts of it
• Sleep, eating, or family life is being noticeably disrupted by separation fears
• Your child describes persistent, distressing worries about harm coming to you or to them if separated
• You simply want a professional opinion and some reassurance or strategies — you don’t need to wait for a crisis to ask for help

Practical Next Steps

1. Try a consistent, brief goodbye routine for at least two to three weeks before assuming something is wrong.
2. Talk to your child’s nursery/school key person about what they’re observing once you’ve left.
3. Note the pattern: when did it start, how long does the distress last, and is it easing or worsening over time?
4. If concerns persist, consider requesting an assessment — read more about what to expect during a psychiatric consultation or explore Children’s Mental Health Services at BMMC.
5. For a broader look at childhood anxiety beyond the drop-off context, see our broader guide to childhood anxiety disorders.

If you would like to talk through your child’s specific situation, you can contact BMMC or learn more about the team via Meet Our Clinicians. This is offered as one option among several, not a suggestion that professional support is necessary for every child experiencing normal drop-off distress.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is it normal for my toddler to cry every day at nursery drop-off?

Yes, this is common, particularly in the first weeks of a new setting and especially between about 6 months and 3 years of age. What matters more than the daily crying itself is whether it is gradually easing over the settling-in period [4][5].

My child had settled in well, and now suddenly cries at drop-off again — why?

Separation anxiety can resurface after a period of extra closeness (such as a holiday or illness) or during a stressful change, and a temporary reappearance when starting a new class or school is considered a normal response [1][4]. If it persists for weeks without easing, it’s reasonable to ask staff and, if needed, a professional for input.

How long should settling in take at a new nursery or school?

This varies by child and by nursery policy, so ask your specific nursery what to expect. As a general guide, some easing within the first few weeks of a consistent routine is a reasonable expectation for many children; distress that shows no improvement well beyond that point is worth discussing with staff or a professional.

Should I sneak out without saying goodbye to avoid the tears?

Generally, no. Paediatric guidance favours a brief, consistent goodbye over disappearing, since a child who cannot predict when a parent will leave may become more anxious over time, not less [5].

Could this be a sign of something else, like bullying or a change at home?

It’s possible. If separation anxiety appears suddenly in an older child who was previously comfortable with separations, or seems out of proportion to the situation, it’s worth considering whether something else — a change at home, a difficulty with a peer, or another stressor — might be contributing, and raising this with nursery/school staff or a professional.

When should I actually bring my child to see a mental health professional?

Consider it when distress is intense, isn’t easing over several weeks despite a consistent routine, or is disrupting sleep, eating, school attendance, or family life — or simply when you’d like a professional opinion. You do not need to wait until you’re certain something is clinically wrong.

References

1. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. “School Refusal.” Facts for Families, No. 7. Updated October 2013. https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Children-Who-Won’t-Go-To-School-(Separation-Anxiety)-007.aspx
2. Walter HJ, Bukstein OG, Abright AR, et al.; American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. “Clinical Practice Guideline for the Assessment and Treatment of Children and Adolescents With Anxiety Disorders.” Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry. 2020;59(10):1107–1124. https://www.jaacap.org/article/S0890-8567(20)30280-X/fulltext
3. James AC, Reardon T, Soler A, James G, Creswell C. “Cognitive behavioural therapy for anxiety disorders in children and adolescents.” Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews. 2020;(11):CD013162. https://www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD013162.pub2/full
4. Feriante J, Torrico TJ, McArthur J, Bernstein B. “Separation Anxiety Disorder.” StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; last update 17 June 2026. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK560793/
5. Swanson WS. “How to Ease Your Child’s Separation Anxiety.” HealthyChildren.org, American Academy of Pediatrics. Page last reviewed 11 May 2026. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx
6. Nemours KidsHealth. “Separation Anxiety.” Reviewed by Leah J. Orchinik, PhD. https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sep-anxiety.html
7. Abu Dhabi Department of Education and Knowledge (ADEK). “Nurseries.” https://www.adek.gov.ae/en/Education-System/Nurseries
8. Department of Health – Abu Dhabi. “Department of Health – Abu Dhabi Activates 24/7 Mental Health Support Hotline 800-SAKINA (725462).” 3 March 2026. https://www.doh.gov.ae/en/news/doh-activates-247-mental-health-support-hotline-800-sakina-(725462)
9. UAE Government. “Handling emergencies.” The Official Platform of the UAE Government (u.ae). https://u.ae/en/information-and-services/justice-safety-and-the-law/handling-emergencies