Sibling Rivalry and a New Baby: Helping Your Older Child Adjust

When a new baby joins the family, it is very common for an older child to become clingy, ask for a bottle again, have toileting accidents, or say unkind things about the baby. Mild regression and jealousy are a normal, usually temporary response to a major family change, not a sign that something is wrong with your child [1][2].

Key takeaways

• Jealousy, mood swings and regression after a new sibling arrives are common at almost every age, and most families see things settle as new routines take hold [1][3].
• Toddlers and preschoolers are especially likely to show regression, such as toileting accidents, wanting a bottle, or extra clinginess, because they do not yet have the words for complex feelings [1][4].
• Dedicated one-on-one time, small ways to involve your older child, and calmly naming their feelings all support adjustment [1][2][4].
• Occasional rough handling or comments like “I don’t like the baby” are common; sibling-directed aggression that happens most days of the week is less typical and worth discussing with a professional [5].
• If you are ever seriously concerned about your older child’s safety around the baby, do not wait to seek professional guidance [7].

What’s developmentally normal after a new baby arrives

Bringing a new baby home changes an older child’s whole world: the household routine, how much attention they get, and even where they sleep or sit at the table. It is completely normal for an older sibling to have mixed feelings. They may be genuinely excited about the baby one moment, and angry, sad or resentful the next [2][3]. These feelings can be uncomfortable and confusing for a child to sit with, so they often come out as behaviour rather than words.

Common signs of sibling rivalry and adjustment stress include the older child trying to get close to or “protect” the baby one minute and being distant or defiant with parents the next, saying they want the baby to go away, becoming withdrawn, or copying baby-like behaviours [3][4]. None of this, on its own, points to anything wrong with your child. Researchers describe this as a natural, almost instinctive reaction, possibly rooted in an older child’s sense that a new arrival is competing for a caregiver’s protection and attention [3].

Age-banded regression patterns

How an older child reacts depends heavily on their age and stage of development.

Toddlers (around 1 to 2 years)

At this age, a child may not really understand what having a sibling means, but they can sense that routines and attention have changed. Expect increased clinginess, disrupted sleep, or general fussiness rather than dramatic behaviour [1][6].

Preschoolers (roughly 2 to 4 years)

This is the age group most likely to show classic regression: toilet-training accidents, asking for a bottle or dummy again, baby talk, or wanting to be carried everywhere [1][2][4][6]. This happens because, in a child’s mind, “being the baby” seems to come with more care and cuddles. Pushing a child to “act their age” at this stage tends to backfire, because it does not address the underlying wish for reassurance [2].

School-age children (5 years and older)

Older children are usually less threatened by the baby’s mere presence, but they can resent the amount of attention a newborn receives. Rather than toileting regression, this age group is more likely to show sulkiness, irritability, attention-seeking, or a drop in cooperation [1][6].

For most families, these reactions ease as the new routine becomes familiar and the older child has repeated experience of still being loved and included [1][3]. If you would like a broader picture of what is typical at each age and stage, see BMMC’s guide to child developmental milestones and red flags.

Why it happens

From a young child’s point of view, a new sibling can feel like a rival for something essential: a caregiver’s time, attention and physical affection [2][3]. Toddlers and preschoolers have limited language and emotional regulation skills, so instead of saying “I feel left out,” they may show it through behaviour, regressing to babyish habits, testing limits, or being rough with the baby. Older children have more words for their feelings but may still act them out through moodiness or attention-seeking if they feel overlooked [6].

Importantly, occasional sibling conflict and rivalry is not just normal, it is part of how children learn to share, negotiate and understand another person’s perspective, skills that benefit them for life [3]. For more on how young children express big feelings through behaviour, see BMMC’s article on emotional regulation in children.

Practical strategies for parents

Set aside dedicated one-on-one time. Even fifteen minutes of undivided attention, reading, a game, or simply talking, reassures an older child that they still matter just as much as before. This can come from either parent, a grandparent, or another trusted adult in the household [1][2][4].

Involve your child without forcing it. Simple, supervised jobs, such as fetching a nappy, choosing an outfit, or singing to the baby, can help an older child feel useful rather than replaced. If they are not in the mood, do not push it; offer an alternative way to be near you instead [2][4].

Name and validate feelings rather than dismiss them. Saying something like “It’s hard to wait while I feed your sister, isn’t it?” helps a child feel understood, which tends to reduce distress more effectively than telling them to stop being upset [2][4].

Keep other big transitions steady. Where possible, finish toilet training or a move from cot to bed well before the baby arrives, or postpone it until the family has settled into its new rhythm, rather than tackling several major changes at once [1].

Respond to regression matter-of-factly. If your child asks for a bottle or has a toileting accident, avoid shaming, punishing, or drawing excessive attention to it. A calm, practical response, paired with praise when they manage more grown-up behaviour, usually helps children move through the phase more quickly [1][2][6].

Hold steady, calm limits. It is common for parents to feel guilty and loosen previously established rules. However, indulging an older child out of guilt can unintentionally increase demanding behaviour; children generally do better with consistent expectations plus extra warmth [2].

Teach and supervise gentle contact with the baby. Show your child, using a doll if helpful, how to touch and hold a baby safely. If they are rough, redirect them calmly and focus on the rule (“we touch gently”) rather than framing it as your child being dangerous or bad [2].

Draw on the wider household. In many Abu Dhabi homes, grandparents, other relatives, or a trusted nanny share day-to-day care. Where this is the case, it helps to make sure these caregivers are also giving the older child consistent one-on-one attention and using the same calm, reassuring approach, so the child experiences steady support across the whole household [1]. If you would like structured guidance on responding to challenging behaviour more broadly, BMMC’s article on parent training and behaviour management may help.

When a reaction may need professional support

Most sibling rivalry, jealousy and regression are a normal part of family adjustment and settle with time, reassurance and consistency. A few patterns are less typical and are worth discussing with a paediatrician or a qualified mental health professional:

• Aggression toward the baby that happens most days of the week, rather than occasionally. Research differentiating typical from atypical sibling-directed aggression in preschoolers found that behaviours like hitting, shoving or mean teasing became statistically atypical once they occurred on most days, whereas the same behaviours directed at a peer were considered atypical at a lower frequency [5].
• Aggression that continues despite calm, consistent limits, such as supervision, redirection and consequences [7].
• Regression or distress that is severe, does not ease over time, or noticeably disrupts sleep, eating, learning or development.
• Signs of a broader anxiety or mood difficulty, such as persistent sadness, extreme fearfulness, or marked withdrawal that goes beyond typical adjustment.
• Any situation where you are seriously concerned about your child’s safety, or your baby’s safety. This should not wait for a routine appointment; seek prompt professional guidance [7].

A qualified mental health professional can help assess whether what you are seeing is part of the wide range of normal adjustment, or whether your child would benefit from extra support. If aggression or defiance is a bigger part of the picture than jealousy alone, BMMC’s article on child aggression and defiance may also be useful background reading [7].

Practical next steps

Keeping a simple note of what is happening, and how often, for a couple of weeks makes it much easier to describe the pattern to a paediatrician or mental health professional if you do seek advice.

• Make sure everyone involved in your child’s care, both parents, grandparents, and any nanny or domestic helper, is using the same calm, reassuring approach and is aware of the plan.
• Start with your child’s paediatrician for a general check, and ask about a referral to a child and adolescent mental health professional if concerns persist, are severe, or involve safety.
• If you ever have an urgent safety concern in Abu Dhabi, UAE emergency services can be reached on 999 (police), 998 (ambulance) or 997 (civil defence) from any phone [8]. The Department of Health – Abu Dhabi also operates a 24/7 bilingual mental health support line, 800-SAKINA (800-725462), which includes support for children and families [9].

Support from BMMC

If your family in Abu Dhabi would like an independent, professional opinion about your child’s adjustment, BMMC’s Children’s Services team can carry out a general child and adolescent psychiatric assessment. You can read more about what to expect during a psychiatric consultation, learn about our clinicians, or contact us with any questions. This is general information, not a diagnosis; only an individual assessment can determine what is happening for your specific child.

Frequently asked questions

Is it normal for my toilet-trained toddler to start having accidents after a new baby arrives?

Yes. Toileting regression is one of the most common reactions in toddlers and preschoolers after a sibling’s birth, and it is generally a sign that your child wants extra reassurance rather than a medical problem [1][4][6].

How long does sibling adjustment usually take?

This varies by child and family, but most children settle as new routines become familiar and they repeatedly experience being loved and included alongside the baby [1][3]. If regression or distress is not easing over time, it is reasonable to seek advice.

My child says they want the baby to “go away”. Should I worry?

Not on its own. Expressing a wish for the baby to disappear is a common way young children voice frustration and is not the same as intending harm. Naming the feeling (“it’s hard sharing us with the baby”) usually helps more than telling them off for saying it [2][3].

What should I do if my older child is rough with, or hits, the baby?

Calmly separate them, focus on the safety rule rather than blaming your child’s character, and supervise interactions closely for a while. Occasional roughness is common; if it happens most days despite consistent limits, a professional evaluation can help identify what is driving it [5][7].

Should nannies or grandparents change how they treat my older child too?

Ideally, yes. Children adjust best when all their regular caregivers offer the same calm reassurance and one-on-one attention, which is especially relevant in Abu Dhabi households where care is often shared across generations or with a trusted nanny [1].

A note on this article

This article is for general educational purposes and is not a substitute for an individual assessment, diagnosis, or treatment plan from a qualified healthcare professional. If you are concerned about a child’s or adolescent’s safety, seek urgent professional help.

Author: BMMC Editorial Team
Medical reviewer assigned: Dr. Abdulnaser Arida, Consultant Psychiatrist and Director
Medical review status: Pending
Draft date: 2026-08-24
Last updated: Pending publication

References

1. American Academy of Pediatrics / HealthyChildren.org. Preparing Your Older Child for a New Baby: How to Help Siblings Adjust. Last updated 10 Feb 2026. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/prenatal/Pages/Preparing-Your-Family-for-a-New-Baby.aspx. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
2. ZERO TO THREE. “When Is He Going Back in Your Belly?” How to Help Older Siblings Adjust to the New Baby. Published 10 Apr 2017; modified 28 Jul 2023. https://www.zerotothree.org/resource/when-is-he-going-back-in-your-belly-how-to-help-older-siblings-adjust-to-the-new-baby/. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
3. NCT (National Childbirth Trust). Sibling relationships and sibling rivalry. Last reviewed 30 Apr 2025. https://www.nct.org.uk/information/baby-toddler/baby-and-toddler-development/sibling-relationships-and-sibling-rivalry. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
4. Anna Freud Centre. Sibling rivalry. Publication date not stated on page (site copyright 2024). https://www.annafreud.org/resources/under-fives-wellbeing/common-difficulties/sibling-rivalry/. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
5. ACAMH (Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health) Research Digest, summarising: Dirks MA, Recchia HE, Estabrook R, Howe N, Petitclerc A, Burns JL, Briggs-Gowan MJ, Wakschlag LS. Differentiating Typical from Atypical Perpetration of Sibling-Directed Aggression during the Preschool Years. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 2019;60:267-276. Digest last updated 19 Jun 2026. https://www.acamh.org/research-digest/aggression-toward-siblings-during-the-preschool-years-when-does-it-become-atypical/. Study DOI: 10.1111/jcpp.12939; Digest DOI: 10.13056/acamh.10623. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
6. Mayo Clinic Press. How older siblings may react to a new baby. Publication date not stated on page. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/parenting/how-older-siblings-may-react-to-a-new-baby/. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
7. Child Mind Institute. How can I stop my daughter’s violence towards me and her younger brother? (Vasco Lopes, PsyD). Last reviewed/updated 19 Aug 2024. https://childmind.org/article/how-can-i-stop-my-daughters-violence-towards-me-and-her-younger-brother/. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
8. UAE Ministry of Interior. Emergency Contact. Page last updated 5 Jan 2021. https://moi.gov.ae/en/about.moi/content/emergency.contact.aspx. Accessed 24 Aug 2026.
9. Department of Health – Abu Dhabi. DoH Activates 24/7 Mental Health Support Hotline 800-SAKINA (725462). Published 3 Mar 2026; page last updated 18 Aug 2026. https://www.doh.gov.ae/en/news/doh-activates-247-mental-health-support-hotline-800-sakina-(725462). Accessed 24 Aug 2026.